Confidence is Sexy
A male friend of mine let me in on the secret dating advice he gave to his son. He told his son a man only needs to do two things to win over a girl:
Make her laugh.
My response was, “That’s … very true.” It’s very generic advice, but it’s so freaking true! Confidence and a sense of humor are major attractants. (Although they’re not the only attractants.)
The best thing about confidence and a sense of humor is that they can be combined in a magical way that makes a man irresistible.
A sense of humor is a big help for those who have it because it puts people at ease. If you can make someone laugh, you’ve successfully made them release endorphins, meaning they instantly feel good and it’s because of you, and the best type of humor is the self-deprecating kind.
But, but self-deprecation? Doesn’t that go against rule number one, confidence? If you make fun of yourself, aren’t you showing a lack of confidence?
Yes and no.
In one sense you’re admitting you make mistakes, that you’re not perfect, that you’re not confident in all areas of yourself, but in another, it actually takes a type of confidence to admit your mistakes to people. It’s a courageous type of confidence. You’re saying, “Hey, I’m not perfect, but I’m so laid back and confident about myself, that it doesn’t matter who knows how imperfect I am.”
I dated a guy full of self-deprecation. I loved it because I often felt insecure myself and by him expressing his imperfections, it made me feel better about my own. It made me feel like it didn’t matter. We were both imperfect. At the time, we worked together, so we’d laugh it off whenever either of us messed up at work. When we had to do something new on the job, we’d confide in each other how we didn’t really know what we were doing. I guess you could say we had a camaraderie built on incompetence, and it put us both at ease and made me very, very attracted to him.
Later in the relationship, he did a one-eighty on me. He started constantly spouting how he was right about everything. How he knew everything. It irritated me to no end. What happened to the sweet, self-deprecating man I fell in love with? I hated this new overly confident prick who would shoot down all my ideas and say that his were based on fact and mine were based on opinion. No one wants someone who thinks they’re always right. That is not a sexy kind of confidence. Confidence is attractive but only when it’s the right kind of confidence.
Do not strut around telling women how much money you make and saying how you predicted the presidential outcome because you’re right about everything. No. You suck. Being a pompous ass is not the kind of confidence that will get you anywhere with a lady.
Be confident enough to show off your flaws. Your mistakes. Your errors. Your faults. That’s sexy. That’s attractive, and it can also be funny which means you cover both parts of my friend’s top secret dating advice which really isn’t much of a secret at all.
Stay confident my friends,