Let’s Talk Oxytocin.
What is oxytocin? It’s that special “love hormone” our brains release that helps us feel more bonded to one another.
Why do I want to talk about it? Well, you want your significant other to feel bonded to you, right? To feel attached? Doing things that increase her (and your) oxytocin levels is one key to strengthening that bond.
Several years back, sites everywhere were claiming that guys needed to make girls feel insecure to keep them around. I call bullshit. If you partake in those types of games not only will you have an unhealthy relationship, but that’s just plain wrong. It’s morally reprehensible.
Also, it would never work on a woman with healthy self-esteem. I doubt it would work very long on a woman with low self-esteem. Ultimately, going out of your way to make girls feel bad would just earn you a reputation as an asshole.
I know what you’re thinking. I’ve heard the same rumors. Girls supposedly “like the assholes.”
No. We don’t. We like the rebels. We like the vigilantes. We like the anti-heroes.
We also like the nice guys. The sensitive guys. The vulnerable guys.
We like a lot of different types of guys, but we do NOT like the assholes. No one likes the assholes.
So let’s say you’ve been in a relationship for a while, and you’re feeling insecure for whatever reason. You love her. You don’t want her to disappear on you. You want to ensure she stays around.
First and foremost, talk to her about your insecurities. Communication is practically the number one answer to everything. Telling her your fears might just be what you need to clear them up and make you feel secure again.
After that, if you’re still wanting a little safety net, consider boosting her oxytocin levels.
It’s chemical baby.
Once the honeymoon period is over that doesn’t mean the relationship is over. You can still keep those bursts of love and bonding feelings coming. How? Through touch.
Oxytocin is released when mothers breastfeed their babies helping them feel bonded to their infants.
Oxytocin is released when you pet and play with your pets.
Oxytocin is released during physical play. For example, my young niece and I used to play “Cirque du Soleil” where we’d try to do what the circus acrobats did, like flipping over each other, she’d stand on my back, and what not. (All the things they tell you not to try at home. Lol) Even though we were both horrible acrobats, it was strangely enjoyable for both of us to play these silly circus games. The bonding hormone was definitely in play.
Oxytocin is released during rough housing play too. such as wrestling. I knew a guy once who would wrestle almost daily with his sons, and it was clear that this was a huge bonding activity for them. Whether they knew it or not, their brains were releasing the “love hormone” throughout their play. The same hormone that is released during cuddling and hugging.
It’s released when you give and receive a massage, any type of massage: back rub, foot rub, anything.
It’s released during sex and when you have an orgasm. Basically all levels of intimacy release this cuddle hormone.
It can even be released by doing something as simple and non-physical as making more eye contact and being more attentive.
Studies show oxytocin release makes you feel more trusting and attached to your partner. You’re more empathetic. You’re more communicative. It’s a hormone that helps couples stay together.
Of course, it does have a little bit of a downside. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve grown attached to men even though we weren’t compatible. I remember being in one relationship in particular where every time I thought, “Okay, I have to leave.” I’d then envision having his arms around me at night and his cuddles and how much I would miss all that, how much I would miss him, and it made it difficult to walk away. Of course, I probably can’t blame that completely on oxytocin, but I’ve no doubt that the love hormone played some role in it.
But if you are compatible, and you’re both happy with the relationship, if you just want to strengthen that bond, it’s simple. Start touching each other more. Be playful. Cuddle, rub, nuzzle, caress, and love.